YOU!!! Yes you. You are not capable of handling the randomness. Go outside and sit on your dog.
Paul the Potato
And the pea army that don’t go squish when people step on them.
Once upon a time, long long ago… At least as ancient as yesterday… There was a potato. Paul, the potato. Sorry Paul, nearly left your name out! And that potato hadn’t got a crumb of a clue where he was in the woods. He was playing secret mission archer, (he wanted to become a spy, or, in second place on his list, an archer at the olympics, yes, he had a list of careers he wanted to become… someday.) he trudged over a sloppy, muddy mountain to retrieve his arrow. As soon as he did, he turned around and realized… the mountain was too sloppy and steep on the other side to climb up. He kept on trying to climb up the mountain but the same thing kept on happening! He kept on slipping on the sloppy mud and landing on his face, and then he would slide down the hill, on his face! Soon he gave up and went out looking. Face covered in mud, knees scabbed and arrow lost, he was one messed up potato. As soon as it past half an hour of walking, he finally found his arrow. “Great” he said “One weapon is better than no weapon.” He had left his bow on the other side of the mountain, thinking he would be back sooner. After another five hours of walking, watching and waiting, The sun went down. “Looks like i’m camping here tonight.” He said. Later he was leaning against a tree with a camp fire made out of branches and leaves in front of him, poking it around with a spare stick, mumbling about the great mysterious mystery of a missing potato called paul, when he heard something rustling in the bushes. Quickly he shoved his hand around the stick and arrow, and stood up to look at the bush. “I know you're hiding…” he said. Suddenly a Green, round cute little vicious blob jumped out of the leaves and knocked paul the potato over. “Hey, You come over here!” Paul shouted, but the blob did not stop. Paul chased after the blob. Soon the blob had led Paul out of the woods and into a field of long grass made out of noodles. “Where are you…” suddenly he saw the blob hop out from the top of the noodles just so Paul can see the top of him. Paul rushed through the noodles as quick as he could. But He wasn’t being careful enough! When he reached the end of the noodle grass, he tripped over a rock into the sprite pool. The problem with that… Paul couldn’t swim. Aaaaand his foot was bleeding. He struggled and struggled to get out of the sticky, bubbly mess. Memories of his family,(a wife and a son and two daughters), pet (a pugtato), and job (a pizza deliverer), Flashed into his mind. Soon, everything went blurry. Paul felt nauseous… And soon he was asleep. He woke up with blurry vision, lights flashing in his face, and a variety of different veggies shouting everywhere.
“Sir! Sir! He waking up!!” one shouted. Paul heard loud footsteps. “How long has he been awake for?” Said a big voice
“just woke up!”
“wuh?” Mumbled a very confused Paul. “whats going on?” He mumbled a bit louder. Just then there was a big shake and Paul’s vision came back to life. There was a brussel sprout leaning over him menacingly and evilly. There was a long and chilling silence.
“Hi.” said the brussel sprout.
“Do you know m-” Paul started.
“WHY ARE YOU HERE AND WHAT DO YOU WANT???!!!” yelled the brussel sprout.
“I-I-I-” Paul was shocked. The brussel sprout had yelled so loudly that he had pushed the chair that Paul was chained to onto its back legs and nearly perfectly balanced it. Inside a silence the chair finally fell back. “Ow…”
“THERE WAS A HUGE CUPQUAKE AT CEREAL CITY AND WE THINK THAT YOU GUYS ARE BEHIND IT!!!” Shouted the brussel sprout.
“What do you mean, us guys?” Asked Paul, who was really confused.
“YOU ARE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE AND YOU KNOW IT!!!”
“Resistance?”
“QUIT PLAYING!” The brussel screamed. “Open it up.” He whispered to one of his henchmen. (Which was a pea.. They were all peas)!
“BTW, Can you pick my chair up?” Asked Paul, Realising that was the dumbest thing to say.
“Maybe.” said the brussel sprout. Suddenly there was a loud hiss and some doors opened behind him. BIG doors. Then, a huge big robot about a hundred times bigger that Paul marched in and stood behind the brussel. “Ask the boss.” Then the glass up at the cockpit opened and an evil applecore stood in sight.
“Remember me?” It said.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum… no.” said Paul.
“Throw ‘im in the snake pit!!!” Shouted the Evil applecore. “No!” Shouted Paul as two bodyguard peas started dragging his chair back. “Aaaaaa!!!” said Pa-”AAAAAA!!!” Screamed P- “Help!!!” HE SAID AS TWO BODYGUARDS LEANED HIS CHAIR OVER A DEEP DARK PIT FULL OF THE DREADED GUMMY SNAKES OR WORMS!!! Suddenly Paul realised that he had his feet in such a position where he could stand up! He stood up and accidentally knocked one of the guards into the snake pit.
“Aaaaaa!!!” It screamed as the snakes buried him under their slimy, slithery bodies. Paul quickly stood up to look, and turned around taking the other guard out with another chair leg. As the guard lay on the ground, Paul turned around. He had no idea that there was another guard running up behind him. Paul leant over to see if the pea-guard on the ground was alright, and thwack!!! He hit the guard running up behind him into the snake pit!!! Buuuuuut…. The force from the hard pea hitting the chair leg sent Paul flying and spinning, strait towards a spike!!!
“WHao0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o!!!!!” Said Paul. Luckily, Paul hit the spike with his handcuffs which broke them off.
“Yay!!!” Soon he saw a guard with a meatball blaster running at him. Paul picked up the chair and threw it at the guard that was running at him. Quickly Paul ran out and grabbed the meatball blaster. He quickly hid around a curvy corner.
“So….” He said “how do we work this thing?” After touching and flicking about six or seven levers and buttons, a light lit up on the side of the gun. “Please say this means it can fire…” Paul said as he looked around at the peas taking gun battle form. There was also a pea shooter being brought out according to the loud barking of orders that the evil applecore. Pretty soon the evil applecore shouted: “SURRENDER OR WE WILL FIRE!!!” through a speaker phone. But there wasn’t a second to lose! Paul quickly jumped out from the corner and started to shoot. Bang! Boom! The wall exploded, And then crash!!! A pea flew over his head and bounced off the wall, straight into Paul’s back, sending him flying!!! “See Ya!!!” He said. He shot one last time in the air at the pea-shooter.
BOOOOOPOOOOOM!!!!!!! It exploded everywhere! One piece actually flew straight into the evil applecore’s face, knocking him out and off the toy robot. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!” Paul screamed as he flew into the bush. “Hands up!” He shouted as He poked out of the bush, Expecting a huge gang of peas to be in front of him. But instead, he found himself in a bush near the big potato palace of cereal city. Paul looked around and admired the sight of huge skyscrapers, made all out of cereal boxes, with the centre holding the big and famous potato palace. “Whoaaaaaah…” He said. Soon he snapped out of the trance and went to the door of the palace. Knock knock… Paul waited. And waited. And waited some more. After a long time of waiting, A celery butler opened the door, looking very dizzy.
“Sorry, took the wrong door and got lost in the palace maze…” The Butler shook his head from side to side. “Ok… Hello, how can I help you?” He said.
“I just want some help…” Paul replied.
“I will get the queen for you.” The celery said.
“Please don’t take long.” Added Paul.
“I won’t.” Said the celery, in a lying voice, and with his fingers crossed hidden in plain sight.
“I can see your fingers.” Said Paul. After that comment, the celery slammed the door and Paul heard the celeries designer clunky shoes running away from the doors and giggled. After about 15 minutes, the celery came back.
“The queen would like to hear you story.” After that, they got lost in the castle again, (As you must have guessed), They finally found the queen’s room.
“Queen, your guest has arrived.” The celery said.
“Please tell me your name, fellow potato…” The queen dramatically said. “That was dramatic, right?” She quickly said in mid dramatic stance.
“I guess…” Answered Paul.
“Right then, let me continue with my dramatic stance.” She (Dramatically) said. After she finished her dramatic stance, She said “My name is potato.”
“What?”
“POPS. The potato. You interrupted my dramatic james bond introduction. Now I am going to dramatically cry in a dramatically fake way.”
“Oh grrrrrrreat.” Paul and the celery both said at the same time.
“WAAAAAAAA okay I’m done now.” So then Paul told them the story I have told you so far. After he finished the queen was amazed.
“I am dramaticated.” said the (Dramaticated dramatic) Queen.
“My celery will now try to dramatically escort you to the soldiers. I will get you to fight the peas.(Dramatically).”
“Okay..” Paul mumbled.
“Follow me.” said the celery.
“Do I have to?” Pleaded Paul “Every time I do we get lost.”
“Of course not!” Said the celery. “We can just use my teleportation device!!!” The celery pulled out a blue glass ball from its dramatically designed pocket. Paul was very disappointed. This is what he looked like.
“So we could have done that the whole time, right?” Paul asked.
Then the celery dropped the glass ball.
“Woopsy daisies!!!” Said the celery. “I guess we’ll have to walk!!!”
“Yaaaay.” Said Paul. He still looked like this.
He looked like this when they arrived at the soldier's room.
And this is the first face that the soldiers saw.
But this is the face that he did when he saw his first snack wing.
“This is a snack wing.” The celery explained. “You will be using this against the pea army.”
“It’s-It’s beautiful!!!” Paul exclaimed.
“It has cracker wings, fires melted cheese, hot chips, and meatball bombs. The frame and body is made of pure chocolate, which lets it fly in space.” The celery said. “One actually flew through a milky way.” (Milky ways are actually made of milk in this world) “We are now going to get a plan for attack to the peas.” The celery said. “Go down there and to the right at the last door. Down there they will call you green 5” Said the celery.
“Okay… Thanks.” Said Paul. He opened the door and went to the plan.
“Okay.” Said a tomato. “We are going to be attacking the peas this afternoon. Here is our plan.” There were about fifty different veggies crowded around the table. Suddenly, a big hologram came up above the table of about three skyscrapers, with a group of lower buildings below.
“Red 1,2,3,4 and 5 will be hitting the top halves of the skyscrapers while blue will be shooting at the bottom half.” The tomato continued. “Yellow will be shooting at the lower buildings, but green will be blowing up the underground base. We haven’t found a way yet, so we need information Fast.”
Paul suddenly piped up. But first another veggie said “For that to be possible there must be some type of thermal ocolater.”
Paul suddenly piped up. But first another veggie said “For that to be possible there must be some type of thermal ocolater.”
“There is one.” Paul shared. “Over there. Sector 2187.” The sector suddenly lit up orange. “It is in-between the lower buildings and the underground base, so a group of ground troopers will have to blow a hole in the ceiling of the underground base.”
“On it.” Said group 6 of the ground troopers.
“We’ll give ‘em cover.” Said group 5.
“Okay. So we hit the skyscrapers, while ground troopers blow the ceiling, shoot the ocolater and leave before you get caught in flames. Let’s go!!!” All the veggies left the table and went to there snack wings.
“Good luck!!!” came through the radio to Paul’s snack wing just as he left the ground.
“Every one follow me. I was assigned to show you the way to the peas base.”
The next thing he knew, Paul was flying towards the peas base at 6000 miles and hour. But then…
“Green 5!!! Green 5!!!” the radio blasted. “Enemy blaster ship behind you!!! Green 4 on it.” Green 4 came up behind the enemy ship. But then, PIAOW!!! PIAOW!!! The enemy ship fired backwards towards Green 4.
“HELP!!! HELP!!!” The radio spluttered. Paul jumped into action.
“Got it Green 4.” He said. “Don’t worry, fellow boiled egg.” Paul quickly shut down his plane and slowly front flipped while freefalling...
“Green 5!!! Green 5!!! What are you doing?” The radio screamed.
His Gun was aiming straight up when … PIAOW!!! BOOOM!!!
“WhooooooooHoooooHoooo!!!!!” Green 2 said. 2 hours later, they arrived at their destination. The other teams were already there. Carnage was everywhere. Enemy blaster ships were on snack wings tails, snack wings as well as enemy blaster were blowing up all over the place. Peas and ground troopers were getting blasted higher than the snack wings were flying!!! Paul spotted a ground trooper on the ground being beat up by a pea, big time. Jab, Jab, swing, the ground trooper was on the ground. But then, PIAOW!!! The pea was out of sight. You want to know what happened to the pea? He flew and flew and flew, and landed in the middle of an MMA fight and got squshed.
“ONE ON MY TAIL!!!” shouted the radio. “HE IS GONNA- PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.”
“GREEN 2 IS DOWN!!!”
“ITS COMING FOR ME!!!”
“ON IT!!!”
Paul turns around and rushes towards the enemy blaster.
“See ya guys.” He mumbles through the radio. But then, BOOOOOOOOOOM!!! The ship explodes two seconds before the impact.
“WHAT WAS THAT?” Paul shouted as he thrusted through the flames.
“I freeze framed it.” Said Green 1. “It looked like a ground trooper explosive…”
Paul looked out the window. There was a ground trooper waving at him! And it was the one he saved before!
“I WILL SEE IF THE GROUND TROOPERS HAVE BLOWN UP THE WHOLE YET.” The radio spluttered. Paul watched as Green 4 blew a hole in the wall of the lower buildings and flew in. But then he saw an enemy blaster following him in!!! Paul fired up his engines at full speed to get the blaster.
“THERE’S ONE ON YOUR TAIL!!!” Paul screamed through the radio to Green 4.
“AAAAA!!!” Said Green 4. Paul followed the blaster in. The blaster spotted Paul quite soon. It quickly changed course and went into a hole in the wall.
“Green 5!!! Green 5!!!”
“Get right outta there!!!”
“You're gonna Die!!!”
The hole didn’t lead out to the battle outside, instead it lead to a big space with a lot of dogey pipes. Paul had to put his wings together to be able to sneak through gaps. Paul was looking around for the battleship, But suddenly had to turn on his side!
“AAA!!!” He screamed. The radio heard the scream.
“Green 5!!! Green 5 are you alright?” Meanwhile, Paul was scraping the wing of the snack wing on the ground, with the whole thing on its side. After a long time of the snack wing on its side, it finally smashed the front into the side of the pipe room, after that falling onto its top, leaving it upside down. Paul climbed out, quickly pulled out his meatball blaster and aimed towards where the noise of the enemy blaster made out of cookie dough was coming from. Suddenly the noise changed to come from the other side of the room. Paul swiftly turned around and aimed his meatball gun at that. The sound kept on switching places and Paul kept on turning around when… There it was!!! Right there!!! Paul saw it sneakily moving around. BOOOM!!! The sound of the meatball blaster echoed around the room. SLAM!!! It hit the enemy ship right in the middle, knocking both wings off. One wing sliced through the air, heading straight towards Paul. Paul ducked just in the nick of time to dodge the crackery frisby. BANG!!! It hit The ground, just missing Paul. It rocketed off the wall, slicing open a pipe and letting the mysterious fluids pour out onto the snack wing. Then there was a miracle. The mysterious fluid actually made the snack wing start up again! Paul strapped himself in, (Upside down, duh.) And hovered in midair, flipping the right way up. BOOOM!!! He blew a hole in the side of the HUGE room, only to discover that there was a huge Basilisk gummy worm guarding the door to the underground base!!! Paul tuned his radio and shouted “What the heck is happening?!?! Have the ground troopers blown up the hole?!”
“Green 5?!? We thought you were dead.”
“Yeah I thought I was dead too. Enough getting relieved, let’s do this!!!” Paul said as he blasted an enemy blaster smashed into pieces when he shot and explosive chic pea. “You guys go in with your missiles trying to get a hole, and I’ll hold the peas off.” As soon as Paul said that, He saw a horizon of enemy blasters coming towards the battle. “Guys… we got a LOT of company!!!” Paul rushed towards the enemy ships, not even realizing he was outnumbered. Rapidfire popping candy, Paul wasn’t getting much damage. But then, the enemy ships started dropping like flies. Something was shooting them from above the clouds. Suddenly, a corner of a HUGE vandalizer started falling from the clouds. Then Paul saw a bit more of it. Paul slowed down and started hovering, curios of what is happening. After five more seconds, Paul realized that the Vandalizer was above the clouds, but the mysterious ship shot it down! The Vandalizer was falling and crushing all the enemy blasters! Suddenly, the mysterious ship came and swooped past Paul. It was the Porky Falcon!!! The owners of the Porky Falcon were the all-famous Chewie, (The chewing gum stick). Pan solo, (The frying pan). And Luke Piewalker. (The Pie)!!! Paul knew this was his chance. He fired up his engines and shot towards the carnage. VOOOM!!! He was on his side. Surrounded by 7 enemy blaster ships, he circled on his side, shooting every enemy ship along the way. Paul went above the clouds and dropped heaps of meatball bombs. Then…
“GREEN 5!!! THERE’S A BRAND-NEW HOLE IN THAT BASILISK!!!” Paul immediately turned around and raced for that hole. The Basilisk was Thrashing around, making it a hard hole to get through. But Paul was determined.
“I’m getting through that hole no matter WHAT!” Paul shouted. Everyone thought that Paul was going to fail. But Paul had a trick up his sleeve. Paul ejected the wings out from the snack wing, they shot a hole through the glass and shot through, while the body of the snack wing went through the Basilisk. When through, the bod and the wings joined up again to make one slick move. The snack wing sliced down the ramp into the underground base. Trust me, flying a snack wing indoors is HARD. Finally, Paul found the pipe that lead to the thermal oscillator. Paul quickly pulled up. Paul didn’t know it but there was a fan, working, in the way! PIAOW!!! BOOM!!! It suddenly exploded.
“Who said you couldn’t have some company?”
Green 4 was following!!!
“Ok, Green 4. Go on a side ways circle shooting at the same time, meet halfway and escape beside each other.” Paul explained the plan. After the plan ended, the building began to rumble. The two friends began to head upwards. But… Rocks blocked the way!!! The friends were trapped!!! BOOOM!!! The pea base exploded. Everyone left. Everyone thought that they had died. Everyone carried on with their lives. But one day, one of the snack wing pilots found something useful… She had just got around to sorting out her junk, when she found a droid. She started up the droid, and it told her it had a map to Paul!!! The droid opened up the map, and the snack wing pilot went to tell the queen. When she arrived at the queen's house, as you would have guessed, the queen said
“I am dramaticated. Show me the map straight away.” The pilot showed her the map. The next day, the pilot found herself flying in the Porky Falcon at Pie-speed heading straight towards lolly lagoon. Lolly lagoon was a forbidden part of the planet, only because it was the home of the ricey rathtar, the most dangerous monster of the galaxy. When the pilot arrived at Lolly Lagoon, she was as scared as scared can be. Then, BOOOOOOOM!!!! Something smashed through the ground, spraying dirt everywhere.
“AAAAA!!!” everyone screamed. (She was with Chewie, Pan Solo, and Luke Piewalker, if you didn’t know).
“Get me a gun or something!!!” Julie shouted. (She was the snack wing pilot). Pan threw he a carrot dagger.
“It’s the best weapon free!” He shouted.
Julie ran towards the monster. Slice! Her dagger sunk into the mince skin. No damage!!! The tentacle wriggled and writhed all about, flicking Julie off. Julie quickly picked herself up just in time to see the tentacle blast off into the air. And where the tentecle used to be… Paul was standing.
I am sorry about the randomness. you can now watch these commercials.
No more commercials for you.
When I was writing this story I was making it up as I go. Choosing what the objects were made of challenged me. I am proud of my work because it is my personal best. I really worked on my sentence structure.
